January 2009
13 posts
sex ed via wise, va
(1) a pillow was turned into a giant sperm. hula hoop was representing a hole in a condom. threw pillow through hula hoop. message: condoms don’t work anyway, so why bother?
(2)we all got hershey’s kisses. each was a different STD. message: STDS are like candy… a little bit of inconvenience (wrapper) for a sweet treat.
flash forward to senior year and the pregnant homecoming...
yes, we is the #30 school in the nation...
While bored today I purused the “Overheard at UNC” FB group and here are the best of the best:
girl at starbucks: I think I’m a sex addict.
her friend: But you only have sex when you’re drunk
girl: Yeah… too bad I’m an alcoholic too.
*********************************************************
Pit Preacher: I mean, what was he thinking? What was he on??
Random guy...
peanut butter. the antichrist or merely...
1/ 26 Inspectors found mildew in peanut butter plant
1/23 Peanut popularity complicates salmonella probe
1/20 Consumers urged to use caution eating peanut butter
1/14 Kellogg warns not to eat its peanut butter crackers
1/10 Peanut butter recalled amid salmonella outbreak
1/9 CDC investigating salmonella outbreak in 42 states
It’s official- guess what I’m not eating anymore?
Oh...
“omg something good happened! can we have sex now kplzthnx?”
– erin, whilst watching secret life, but really applicable to almost anything in life
“Please, please don’t make us all any more cynical than we already are, Mr....”
– about america’s greatest fear for the new president
http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/01/23/
campbell.brown.lobbyists/index.html#cnnSTCText
The Secret Life of the American Teenager in 60...
15 year old pregnant chick: "i'm 13 months pregnant and i still have no idea what to do with the baby. let me go ask the guy who was abused and raped by his father who knocked me up in a drunken one night stand and now wants to spend the rest of his life with me taking care of the baby"
guy who was abused and raped by his father: "i refuse to let my baby be adopted because i have so much say in his life and pregnant girl this has nothing to do with you or your wants or desires or future anyway!"
completely random guy: “hey pregnant girl. We’re complete strangers but I love you and want to marry you.”
pregnant girl’s parents: “we’re totally cool with this. Now we’re going to go sleep around with everyone else at the PTA meetings. Gee we can’t imagine where our children’s irresponsible sexual behavior comes from.”
uber-christian preppy girl: "it's all good. life is puppies and sunshine and roses"
*repeat indefinitely*
Seriously this is like the most sci-fi crap ever. Can it get further from real life?
highlight's from Ivey's recent blog post
3RD PLACE:
Alani to Rosa: "Have you read [Things White People Like]? We found it in the book store and my boyfriend bought it. I've found it to be true, at least for the Caucasians I know."
2ND PLACE:
Me asking Terry how he made it to the women's final four his freshman year: "Who'd you sleep with?!"
Terry: "A bunch of people I don't even know!"
---A minute later after widespread laughter---
Terry: "Oh wait! Who did I sleep with?! And I said 'a bunch of people I don't even know!!!!!!' I thought you meant who I slept in the room with!"
WINNER:
Sarah: "I'm going to yell rape."
Me: "We're going to learn that you can refuse and how to have good sex when you want to."
Sarah: "And if I refuse I get my choices taken away from me?"
Alani: "You're going to have an orgasm whether you want to or not!"
Sarah: "I'm a little creeped out right now."
Me: "*I'm* a little creeped out right now."
Sarah: "I need better friends."
Alani: "I go to church!"
my current bitchfest is about people in relationships. insert heated 10-30 minute spiel about a topic I will no longer even remember in approximately 1 wk here.
“Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?...”
– yay for Jan 20
the REAL reason there are marching bands...
Alani : its the plumes
Alani : they like them like them
Alani : call it a freudian phallic fascination
Alani : but
Alani: even the bball team
Alani: wishes wed wear them more
Me: a freudian fuzzy phallic fascination?
Alani : yes
Alani : now your getting it
“can i squeeze your lemon if i promise to let you suck it later?”
– christmas break